Louis Renault's Crimbus Spectacular
Democrats and the NWSL roll their holiday classics back out
Two NWSL clubs show their asses because it was their turn, Democrats have the audacity, and a dream about Jay Bobby.
One of Claude Rains’ most memorable roles was Capt. Louis Renault in Casablanca. If you’ve never seen him portray Prince John in the 1938 Errol Flynn Robin Hood film, though, there’s a task for you to complete. The only reason that flick isn’t the unquestioned lord of all Robin Hood movies is that it didn’t have a sweet-ass Bryan Adams ballad attached to it. Alan Rickman’s Sheriff of Nottingham was a treasure in the 1991 Kevin Costner Prince of Thieves version but powered by the Canadian Bard’s mesmerizing lyrics and velvety voice, that’s the only version that demands you not tell him it’s not worth dying for. He knows it isn’t but he still insists you not tell him.
Anyway, back to Claude and Casablanca. There’s a scene where Capt. Renault is essentially forced into shutting down Rick’s Americain Café by his Nazi overlords. He has to come up with a reason for doing so, so the first thing that comes to mind is the illegal gambling he has been taking part in. For the good captain, however, it hasn’t really been gambling. It’s just been the way that Rick (portrayed by Humphrey Bogart) has been paying him off to look the other way so he can make money off of other people’s gambling habits.
The famous line from the scene is, “I’m shocked! Shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.”
We’ve screwed you over, so will you please give us even more control over your life?
One of the biggest pieces of political news from the weekend should have received a similar response from anyone who has followed the country’s current “ruling” party over the past four decades. West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin shared on Faux Noise that he will vote “no” on the Build Back Better Act. His vote effectively kills the bill.
The White House responded by saying that Manchin’s statement contradicts what he told President Joe Biden and reports allege that he refused a call from Biden’s staff prior to his announcement. That anyone would act shocked that Manchin – who has consistently worked to protect his profit off climate destruction and counts the same interests who bankroll the GOP cronies in Washington, DC among his patron overlords – would make this move is disingenuous. He’s been telegraphing this move for months in plain sight.
What also should sarcastically shock everyone is that Democrats’ immediate message to its ever-dwindling base is the same as it has been since Christian White Nationalists started eating their lunch and making them thank them for the privilege in races for state legislatures all over the country.
Because every House Democrat voted for the bill that Manchin just killed, right, Aaron? Oh, wait, no, sorry, Jared Golden from Maine’s second district makes that a false statement.
Because the current Democratic president hasn’t announced he won’t use his power to cancel student loan debt or even extend the payment pause despite making a campaign promise to do exactly that, right? Err, ummm….
Because no staff member of a Democratic White House sarcastically joked about sending a COVID-19 test to every household while the country lags behind other nations in wait times for such tests? Well, but….
Putting more Democrats in office so they can put up Black Lives Matter posters at fundraising events while giving a guy who covered up the police murder of Laquan McDonald a cush ambassador gig in the middle of the night on a weekend isn’t a solution. What is? Massive collection action by the populace of this country to remove power from kleptocrats like Manchin. Again, I’m calling for a general strike and pause in the consumption of goods.
With Republican schemes to encode minority rule in many states in play right now, the ballot box will soon be an ineffective way to remove people like Manchin from power. At some point, citizens of the United States of America are going to have to collectively withhold our consumption and labor en masse or simply accept the death of the pretense that we are anything but beasts of burden in this oligarchy. I hope that happens sooner rather than later. I’m ready now.
Fortunately for the Democrats, many of my fellow lovers of domestic women’s football were distracted by not one but two NWSL clubs NWSLing over the weekend in two similar ways. The continued exploitation of labor in the league put on display somehow became the minor storyline.
Courage, Thorns elevate shit sandwiches
I thought that perhaps the worst thing I could write about after this past weekend in the NWSL would be how the league insists on still having a college draft despite the fact that it is actively negotiating a collective bargaining agreement with its current labor force and the event serves no purpose but to give the clubs a way to market themselves in the offseason while maintaining their inequitable stranglehold over the terms of labor. But again, I’m Louis Renault “shocked” to see that the North Carolina and Portland clubs evidently had their numbers come up in the “let’s find yet another way to further erode the excitement of our most loyal consumers” lottery.
With the 13th selection in the labor auction on Saturday, Thorns FC drafted forward Sydny Nasello. A cursory inspection of Nasello’s Twitter account revealed her liking and retweeting several racist, misogynistic, and transphobic posts. Shortly after her selection, she locked her account. Upon inquiry into the selection from Meg Linehan and Steph Yang, Thorns head coach Rhian Wilkinson said the organization did its due diligence into Nasello except it didn’t.
On Sunday, the North Carolina Courage announced they signed defender Jaelene Daniels. Daniels last played in the NWSL for the Courage in 2019. In May of 2018, Daniels went on the Christian White Nationalist propaganda TV program 700 Club to show off her disdain for anyone who doesn’t fit within the gender and sexuality framework that crowd espouses.
Given the fact that these were the two clubs that hired serial sexual assault perpetrator Paul Riley to be their head coach and that ownership remains in charge of the clubs, this fits the modus operandi of both clubs. There are no real consequences for them doing so until players and supporters take similar action as to what I called for in a larger sense with the United States as a whole. It’s time to abandon the NWSL and form a worker-owned fixture for women’s professional football in North America. Leave people like Merritt Paulson with nothing but merchandise and trademarks for clubs that have no players or supporters along with broadcast deals for matches they can’t deliver.
Speaking of broadcasts I can’t deliver, work recently spilled over into my dreams. That is usually a horrific sentence. This wasn’t so soul-crushing, though.
Jay Bobby makes his late late night debut
I recently did a story for work about how Wintrust Arena here in Chicago could host a physical sportsbook provided state law gets an adjustment. That adjustment is currently lacking just one thing; a signature from Illinois Governor JB Pritzker.
If you didn’t know, his name is Jay Robert, which is shortened once to Jay Bobby, then super-shortened to JB. I’ve always preferred Jay Bobby as a way to refer to him. I feel like when he’s campaigning for reelection, he’ll be JB in the more urban parts of the state but in the rural areas, he’ll be good ole Jay Bobby in the Lamar Alexander red plaid shirt talking about how he loves pie and Natty Light.
Regardless of how you prefer to refer to him, he had a prominent role for the first time in a dream that I remembered early Saturday morning. I was back in high school and Jay Bobby was doing a campaign-friendly public appearance by volunteering in the lunch line. Pay no attention to the facts that I graduated from high school in 1999, well before he began his first term as the governor of Ill. or that my high school is in Iowa. Facts don’t matter in dreams or on Facebook.
I got to the front of the line and as Jay Bobby was filling my tray, I said in a jovial manner for some reason, “so, Jay Bobby, you’re going to sign HB3136, right? Huh? Huh? Huh?”
Jay Bobby gave a hearty chuckle and said, “of course, of course” as he finished filling my tray and passed it down the line. I accepted his platitude in a further light-hearted demeanor as I continued down the line and scene. Upon reflection, I wish the people working the lunch lines when I was in high school had been so affable. But, given how they were constantly working around us, I don’t blame them for displaying an attitude of indifference at best. Kids are assholes.
Bonus material for making it this far
If you’ve read all the way down here, wow, I’m flattered. A recent discovery of mine is a nearly eight-minute commercial for a Power Rangers mobile game that uses some Street Fighter characters to give it some oomph.
For some reason, the writers chose not to morph Chun-Li in this video, only Ryu. Chun-Li Ranger is a playable character in the Power Rangers Legacy game. As much as this scratches my pop culture crossovers that are so ridiculous they can only be real itch, there are other missed opportunities. I would have preferred to see Blanka and E. Honda rangers. Especially the latter, because that brings up the question of would E. Honda’s Power Ranger armor be a literal sumo suit?
This commercial will be the greatest gift you’ll get this holiday season. You’re welcome.